Getting you ready for the last LOST

My favorite show, LOST concludes tonight. I’ll have my review and final thoughts tomorrow. LOST is an ongoing serialized adventure set on a tropical island. If you haven't been watching you might be a little, well...lost. So allow me to get you up to speed.

CHARACTERS:

JACK (Matthew Fox) - A handsome doctor who the castaways look up to, not because of his leadership ability but because the actor has a feature career. He's verrrry serious. A joint the size of a piñata would do him a world of good.

KATE (Evangeline Lilly) -- Hot brunette. Killed her boyfriend. I would still date her in a second, even if she wants to go to a gun show.

JOHN (Terry O'Quinn) – Dead but not really. Here’s where it starts getting weird – there were two brothers who have been guardians of the island for centuries. He’s the bad one but now taking the form of John who is dead. That’s what happens when you kill off a main character without checking the contract to see that you still have to pay him for two more years.

SAWYER (Josh Holloway) - The good looking bad boy. Edgy. Dangerous. Defiant. Every girl wants him when he's 20. When he's 50 and living in a trailer park, he's lucky if Bea Arthur gives him a second look.

SAYID (Naveen Andrews) - The one terrorist who tests well. Now dead, not that that means anything.

HURLEY (Jorge Garcia) - Fat guy/comic relief/castaway mascot. Keeps things loose 'round camp when people are kidnapped or eaten by animals.

SUN (Yunjin Kim) - Korean married to Jin. Can speak in English or Korean subtitles. Drowned in sinking submarine so for LOST, she died of natural causes.

JIN (Daniel Dae Kim) - Korean married to Sun. Died with Sun but through network reincarnation returns next season on CBS in HAWAII 5-0.

CHARLIE (Dominic Monaghan) - Dead. I’m starting to realize, maybe the series already concluded. No one seems to still be alive.

CLAIRE (Emilie de Ravin) - Had a baby on the island. Still better than a Kaiser hospital. Is really Jack's sister. Should they ever have a romance and get married the island will be renamed West Virginia.

DESMOND (Henry Ian Cusick) – The most interesting character on the show. Has a Scottish accent. Calls everyone "brother." Has premonitions. Likes the Lakers over the Suns but says "take the points, brother."

BENJAMIN (Michael Emerson) - The Emmy winning leader of "the Others" (another group of island inhabitants. They resent the castaways for calling them "the Others" when they were there first. As a result, want to kill everyone.) If Harold from Harold & Maude grew up, moved to the tropics, and went off his meds he'd be Ben.

JULIET (Elizabeth Mitchell) - Fertility doctor from Portland, Oregon, recruited by the Others. Once she got to the island she realized, "Hey, this isn't the Mayo Clinic!" Still not the worst career move she's made. She played Mrs. Clause to Tim Allen in the last two installments of the Santa Claus trilogy. Dead of course but renewed – her current series V was picked up.

PLOT

It’s simple really. A plane crashed and a group of strangers who really know each other but don’t is stranded on this mysterious island inhabited by polar bears, a smoke monster, residential tract homes, a hatch, a group called “the Others”, giant foot statue, clipper ship and a plane in trees, temple, force fields, a lighthouse, golden pond, a hydrogen bomb, and this great little cove for fishing.

Except…

maybe they didn’t crash at all, in which case they’re different but still know each other even though they don’t.

Some of the characters are dead. One character who is dead has come back as another character. There is time travel involved. The island can disappear. It might actually be underwater. There are two Godlike puppet masters. One character who never ages. People have flashbacks, flash forwards, and flash sideways.

And in the two-hour finale all of this will make sense.

There. You’re now completely caught up. Enjoy.

On another topic, still time to weigh in your thoughts on yesterday’s Comedy Test. Thanks.